Tag Archive: absurdity


REVIEW: THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012)
Starring Kristen Connolly, Fran Kranz, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchinson, & Jesse Williams
Directed by Drew Goddard
Written by Drew Goddard & Joss Whedon
Produced by Joss Whedon
Cinematography by Peter Deming
Music by David Julyan
Edited by Lisa Lassek

You know, on paper the whole Rubik's cube thing seems like quite a cool idea, but a bit of the novelty wears off once you find yourself in desperate need of a bathroom.

   If there’s any genre truly dedicated to embodying the simplistic fun the world of films can be, it’s the horror genre. In my opinion, no other genre of moviemaking lends itself to the intrinsic silliness, the pure, imaginative, and almost decadent spectacle associated with grabbing a camera and shooting stuff with it – a single genre obsessed with portraying the most abstract, depraved, mindfucking type of experiences you could ever achieve in a theater. One thing that humans beings love is watching other human beings pretend to meet gruesome, horrific fates. Groups of friends gather together ceremoniously to watch horror movies and willingly share in getting the ever-living crap scared out them. Basically what I’m saying here is, the horror genre is a very crucial part of the filmmaking universe – it encapsulates everything magical about the art of cinema, even if it can be incredibly gross and macabre at times.  I mean, think about it – almost every important and influential filmmaker out there has crafted at least ONE horror movie: Spielberg, Scorcese, Kubrick, Coppola, the list goes on for ages. Countless young filmmakers start their careers by making cheesy little horror flicks on cheap, shitty cameras – it’s just fun making horror movies!

   However, despite the continous love the populace feels for horror movies, an unfortunate stigma the genre has acquired over the years is that it’s just grown so…..repetitive. Redunant. Boring. Played out, even. It’s gotten to the point where you can literally guess exactly what’s around every turn, who’s going to die, HOW they’re going to die, etc. etc….even if you’re not really a horror film buff! There seems to be a blatant sense of laziness clouding the genre nowadays, a notion that “hell, people have paid for this shit time and time again…..so why would they stop now?” I believe If there’s one thing that should be absolutely dreaded by any creative force in the world, be it an individual artist, a group, or even an entire industry, it’s mindless repetition. I’d rather people just stop creating things, or at least take a break once they’ve reached a creative plateau, instead of endlessly churning out the same run-of-the-mill product, effectively diluting anything imaginative or original. Once you stop looking for new ideas, creative ways to bend storytelling to new limits, and genuinely interesting premises, then the entire world can feel the gears beginning to rust – the horror movie especially has become both a victim and perpetrator of this heinous crime.

   Bringing a big, fat can of oil to the party is the new film The Cabin in the Woods, directed by Drew Goddard and written by Goddard and Joss Whedon, both of whom hail from cultish fanboy fame and glory. These two dudes have a bunch of underground TV hits under their belts – Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Angel, and Dollhouse are just a few of their credits. I myself am not a part of the Goddard/Whedon following, but after seeing this film, I could easily see myself checking out their other projects. Basically, The Cabin in the Woods is a tale we’ve seen a billion times before – a group of young, college-age friends go out to a cabin in the middle of the woods and suffer horrific and terrifying fates at the hands of……some ungodly creation from hell. But, one thing that The Cabin in the Woods does – as it quite loudly proclaims in its advertising – is take that age-old (read: clichéd) idea and take it to some unpredictable, mystifying new heights. And hooooooo baby, you ain’t never seen anything like it before.

For one thing, it's got rampant woman-on-stuffed-animal action....an interesting turn of events to say the least.

   Now, before I continue, I just want to warn you: The Cabin in the Woods is not an easy movie to talk about adequately without giving away what happens. If you are genuinely interested in seeing this movie, then please, DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS REVIEW. If you want to truly experience a movie as strange and wonderful as this without any preconceptions, go to the theater right now and SEE IT. Because – and here’s a spoiler of my own review – this movie is REALLY good. If you want to know why and haven’t seen it yet, and have no problem with spoilers, then read on, my friend! But, if you don’t want to have an awesome experience spoiled for you, then I insist that you stop reading this and PLEASE go see this movie!

   Still with me? Good, because we have a lot to talk about. Like I said above in my spoiler warning, The Cabin in the Woods is an AWESOME movie, but not quite for the reasons you’d expect. One thing that needs to be stated about The Cabin in the Woods is that, as far as I’m concerned, it is secretly a comedy. This movie made me laugh a LOT more than it made me jump, and it wasn’t because things happening in the movie were corny or cheesy – this movie is genuinely clever and witty in its execution. Basically, The Cabin in the Woods serves a giant genre deconstruction – a movie made by true lovers of horror who are disappointed with the way the genre has turned out. It’s important to understand that this film is making a statement about the nature of horror films, while also working as one in its own regard – knowing this definitely plays a part in how the movie is perceived. If you’re going to this movie expecting something you’ve seen before, you are in for QUITE the surprise.

Another spoiler alert: creepy shit happens.

   The movie begins with a rather generic-looking title sequence – dripping blood with spooky images in it, red text, the works. But then suddenly, the film smash cuts to a plain-looking room in an office building, with two white-collar guys talking about something so mundane it’s just impossible not to laugh. We follow these guys – who turn out to be key elements of the story, and are expertly played by Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins – out into a fancy-looking compound, continuing their droll conversation until giant red text cover the entire screen with cheesy horror music – THE CABIN IN THE WOODS.  It is truly an unconventional way to begin a movie labeled as a “horror” film, but then again, this is quite an unconventional film.

   We are then introduced to the protagonist of our movie: the very pretty Dana, portrayed by Kristen Connolly, who is getting ready to leave for the weekend with her friends. We soon meet those friends in the same scene, and they appear to be the normal horror movie fodder – a jock, a smart jock, a bimbo, and a stoner. But one thing I appreciate about this movie is that it actually establishes character very well – at least, as well as it needs to. This scene is full of great little moments and lines that set up these characters’ personalities, and all of the actors compliment their roles very adequately. My favorite character in the movie is definitely Marty, the quite articulate and surprisingly wise stoner who is hilariously played by Fran Kranz – he rolls up smoking a giant bong that turns into a Thermos and is soon waxing intellectual about the state of humanity and the fact we’ve let things get too far out of hand. “Society needs to crumble,” he says while rolling a joint, “we’re all just too chickenshit to let it.” Regardless of how you may feel about such a notion, I definitely give Whedon and Goddard props for introducing such a heavy theme into a mainstream horror flick – it doesn’t mean a lot at this early point in the movie, but it will definitely come back later in full effect.

That moment of curious recollection where you feel you've seen all this somewhere before...it usually happens before somebody does something stupid.

   Anyway, the kids get to the cabin after having a run-in with a particularly foul gas station owner named Mordecai, but are fully unaware their every move is being monitored by people in the facility we saw at the beginning. Jenkins and Whitford’s characters are sort of the main puppetmasters, pulling all the strings and manipulating events to influence the decisions of the 5 kids. That dude Mordecai I mentioned is actually apart of their scheme – in one of the film’s funniest scenes, he calls the puppetmasters to preach all kinds of creepy and ridiculous nonsense, unaware that he is on speakerphone and everyone listening to him is trying not to laugh their asses off. You see, Mordecai is the “Harbinger”, the guy who basically screams “YOU WILL DIE” at the “guests” before they arrive at the cabin. His purpose is to intimidate the cabin-goers, and establish a sense of unease in them that they inevitably choose to ignore. By pointing out this paradigm, giving it a name and reason for existing, the film effectively singles out every other time this ploy has taken place in countless other movies. How many horror movies have you seen where the main characters encounter some strange, undeniably creepy fellow who sets an uneasy tone for the rest of the movie? From my own experiences, my personal answer is WAY too many to count.

   This is where I’d like to talk about the interesting dynamic that sets this film apart from all others – the notion that there are people behind the scenes, actually controlling what’s going on according to a strict set of guidelines. The people running this operation know exactly what they’re doing, and how to achieve it – there are brief mentions of toxins in the newly-dyed blonde hair of the character Jules (played by Anna Hutchison) that alter brain operation, and more obvious manipulations with the “pheremone mists” that are deployed when Jules and Curt (Chris Hemsworth) are out in the woods to get a little busy. You see, this movie offers up a sort of ridiculous explanation for why characters in horror movies always make the same stupid and obviously pre-conceived mistakes – there are people directly manipulating it. And this is actually TRUE, because the people writing the scripts for those movies are usually following the general, pre-plotted outline and make their characters act accordingly. This whole “puppeteer” foil is brilliant – acting as its own entity inside the reality of the movie, while also making the external audience (you know, us) aware of the almost routine exercises that lead to these people being brutally slaughtered. The characters played by Whitford and Jenkins have a sort of detached sense of humor about what they do – they’re portrayed as regular Joes whose job just happens to be orchestrating the violent deaths of young, college-going human beings. The other people in their facility are equally detached – at one point, the entire staff starts making bets on which horrible atrocity will be unleashed upon our unwitting heroes. It’s maintained that this is just a job – a horrible one, but one that human beings must commit and cope with for…a purpose. As a self-aware, genre-critiquing foil, the whole “Death Operation” idea is executed perfectly, and I believe it’s what makes the movie great. There are two stories happening at once – the main story with the kids in the cabin, and alternate story with the people behind the scenes controlling it all. Eventually, these two stories collide, and the results are, simply put – a doozy.

I dunno about you but I would completely trust a multi-billion dollar internationally top secret undercover operation to these people.

   So the kids start to get murdered by a “zombie redneck torture family”, a choice unwittingly picked by Dana out of a cornucopia of hellish freaks, beasts, and monstrosities. This is where the horror movie aspect of the movie works really well; the zombies actually look pretty damn scary, and there are even a few creative embellishments here and there. I especially enjoyed the zombie that wielded a bear trap as a weapon and swung it around in the air like a lasso to latch onto the backs of escaping victims – even if I saw that in a normal horror movie I’d STILL think that was a hilarious idea. Eventually the kids start to understand that something is NOT right when the tunnel they’re escaping through caves in due to an explosion (cued by a frantic Jenkins at the facility, trying desperately to keep them from leaving), and when Curt dramatically tries to jump the gorge that would lead to freedom, only to be killed instantly when he smacks directly into an invisible force field keeping them caged inside. Eventually the survivors come across an elevator that takes them down into the facility, where a blockade is set up to execute them before they cause any further trouble. Backed into an inescapable corner, Dana spots a conveniently large and bright red button that says “SYSTEM PURGE” and pushes it. This unleashes all sorts of hell and painful, torturous mayhem as the countless horror movie monsters run rampant on everyone in their path, resulting in what is undoubtedly one of the GREATEST climaxes to ever exist in cinema history! Seriously, if I had to choose one simple reason to see this movie, I’d pick the final 20 minutes of the film where absolutely absurd chaos reigns supreme….it is A LOT of fun to watch! There are many visual allusions to horror films past, and indeed the entire scene is a loving celebration of why horror movies are so damn awesome in the first place – any kind of horrific fate can and WILL happen, no matter what. The survivors use this chaos and unpredictability to make their ways to the very bottom of the facility, where an explanation and the end of the movie both reside.

   So, at this point I’m gonna delve into the BIG spoiler of the movie, the big juicy secret which I’ve avoided mentioning until now. If you’ve been reading this and haven’t seen the movie, you might be wondering just what in the hell is the exact reason for all this brain manipulation and horrible acts of violence. The answer, to put it quite simply, is – human sacrifice. The fact of the matter is, the old gods which used to rule the Earth – they’re referred to as the “Ancient Ones” – have agreed to stay underground and let humans do their thing on the surface, so long as they are appeased by the bloody sacrifice of 5 particular youths at some sort of regular rate. The gods demand the blood of certain human archetypes: The Whore, The Athelete, The Scholar, The Fool, and finally, The Virgin. These 5 people, whoever they may be, are manipulated and brainwashed into being unwilling sacrifices to these gods, so that the rest of humanity may live. That’s right, the entire plot revolves around an intricately elaborate sacrifice of young blood to ancient, as-of-yet dormant gods. And my guess is, by the time you’ve finished reading that sentence, you’ll have already decided if this is the type of movie for you. Once the survivors make it to the sacrificial center room, we’re treated to an awesome cameo from Sigourney Weaver as The Director of the entire operation, who explains the details I just laid out for you. If the blood quota is not met by sunrise, The Director says, the Ancient Ones will rise out of their dwellings and wreak havoc upon the entire human race, no doubt ushering in a new era of life on Earth…with significantly less humans. I won’t spoil precisely what happens in the end, but I will say that the whole “society needs to crumble” theme I addressed earlier plays heavily into the proceedings.

Bro, it's like....a cabin, inside of a cabin, inside of a CABIN....it's like, the Inception of horror flicks, no joke.

   Simply put, the premise for The Cabin in the Woods is inherently silly and over-the-top. Once you begin the apply real-world logic to it and try to pick apart how the whole operation could work, you realize the silliness of it because there’s no way it could feasibly function in reality – for example, whenever somebody is killed, the Puppeteers pull a giant wooden lever which siphons their blood into a sacrificial offering for the gods. The whole mechanism for how this blood is retained is never explained, and honestly, there really is no way to logically explain how they got the blood to flow exactly where they needed it to go. But, despite the flaws in logic that would normally make other movies fall apart, I feel that this absurdity is precisely why the movie works, and what makes it so lovably strange – it’s a completely outrageous story that exists to point out the tired clichés of a genre that might have gotten too needlessly predetermined for its own good, while establishing a new precedent in movie silliness. The movie is more focused on having fun than making sense in a truly logical way; the logic holds up just enough for the plot to work, and that’s really all it needs. I don’t feel that Cabin is a movie that should be held to “regular” movie standards, because it is clearly not a “regular” movie….it’s trying to be something a little more than that.

   The Cabin in the Woods is definitely a comedy in disguise, a critical smart-ass of a film that picks apart and pinpoints every expectation of the horror genre we’ve grown to both love and hate. It’s a self-referential, self-aware movie that deliberately doesn’t play by the rules…in fact, it completely defies those rules and makes us question if they should even be followed to begin with. It delves into the idea that things might go a little deeper than we previously assumed, the idea that there is something vastly greater going on right beneath our noses. These are the core reasons why I particularly enjoyed the movie – it exists to make the audience watching it aware of what makes these movies tick, while also existing as its own hilarious story which stands up on its own. I just enjoyed the themes of the movie, what it was trying to convey to the audience, and on top of that it was well-written, directed and performed outside of all that other “deep” shit. I have no qualms with saying that The Cabin in the Woods is a groundbreaking film in that regard. It’s an undeniably funny movie that provides a fresh and interesting perspective on what we’ve previously accepted as the norm, and not just in horror films. Like I said before, I’m not a big Joss Whedon/Drew Goddard fan, but I can definitely say that they have achieved something very original and needed in the realm of horror movies. I’m hoping that the movie finds a wide audience that will understand and be inspired by its convictions, although to be honest it is a very weird movie. If you’re the type of person who can deal with unconventional, self-referential moviemaking, then this is definitely a movie for you. If not, well…..the remake of Friday The 13th is always a safe option.

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TIM AND ERIC’S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE (2012)
Starring Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim, Twink Caplan, John C. Reilly, Zach Galifianakis, Robert Loggia, Will Forte, & Will Ferrell
Directed by Tim Heidecker & Eric Wareheim
Written by Tim Heidecker & Eric Wareheim
Produced by Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Dave Kneebone, Tim Heidecker & Eric Wareheim
Cinematography by Rachel Morrison
Music by Davin Wood
Edited by Daniel Haworth & Doug Lussenhop

Hope you've got your wolf-saddles ready kids, because you're about to embark on one batshit crazy excursion.

   I’m just going to make this clear right off the bat: If you are not aware of, or haven’t already seen the Adult Swim network’s appalling (in many senses of the word) program Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, then chances are you are NOT going to like this movie. If you are not a fan of weird, creepy, absurd,  and borderline psychotic humor that intentionally attempts to disconcert the audience, then you will NOT like this movie. If you are more prone to enjoying films such as The Smurfs, or Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, or The Lorax, then you will probably NOT like this movie. I’m just expressing this….let’s call it a “warning”….because from here on out in this review, we are no longer going to be in our comfy, politically correct, morally safe world that we all know and understand so well. We are now dealing with the world as conceived by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim. And this world, my friends, is not for the faint of heart.

   That being said, as somebody who has seen the show this film is spawned from and has no problem at all with insane, comically depraved humor, I can safely declare that Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie is a flat-out, astronomically hysterical masterpiece. That’s right, I said it – MASTERPIECE! Never before in my life have I seen a movie so uproariously entertaining and so expertly executed by its creators in a purely brilliant exhibition of their craft. The only other movie that can even come close to it by those terms in my mind is – unsurprisingly – South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, another TV-show-to-movie adaptation created by two dudes who knew exactly what kind of movie they wanted to make. Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie not only succeeds at what it’s trying to do, but it also completely usurps the previous standards held by the public as to what is acceptable to be shown in films and what isn’t. It tells a more cinematically pleasing story than almost every single movie I’ve seen over the past year, give or take a few. It consistently delivers – in spades – enough humor to last for 10 so-called “comedies” being cranked out by the major studios. Basically, it puts every big hotshot movie director in the mainstream movie business in their place by displaying how to tell an effective story for dirt cheap while utilizing the most obscene, profoundly grotesque humor to do it. Tim and Eric have shown that when it comes to crafting something original, creative, and – most importantly – achingly funny, they can roll up there with the very best of them. You might say it’s a wake-up call for the outmoded and monotonous studio system.

You might also say this sight should be a wake-up call for any rationally sane sleeping person.

   Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (or B$M for short) is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. From pretty much the first 15 seconds of the movie to the after-credits bonus scene, everything about it is so hilarious it’s almost hard for me to believe it actually exists in this universe. Trust me on this one, you have NEVER seen a movie like B$M before. T&E’s humor is mostly derived from highly satirical, sarcastic, and surreal vignettes that highlight the monstrosities of modern-day living, ranging from fake commercials that advertise horrendously shoddy products to extremely awkward encounters with perplexing and uncomfortably troubled people. No joke is too low for Tim and Eric, and believe me brother, when you see the things that happen to the characters in this film….you will understand that. The movie was released on the internet back in January, and is just about to make its debut in theaters on March 2nd. Now very quickly, I’m going to address the background of Tim and Eric, because I’m fairly certain there will be a quite a few out there who have no idea what the hell this shit even is. Tim and Eric are two guys who met in college and started making warped, twisted comedy sketches and putting them on the internet. They eventually landed a show on Adult Swim called Tom Goes To The Mayor, and after that were given a live-action sketch comedy show called Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! which lasted 5 seasons, garnered a devoted fan base, and featured an extensive list of celebrity cameos that is probably much too classy for a show of Great Job!‘s stature. But anyway, onto the review! The premise of the movie is as follows: Tim and Eric are two Hollywood entertainers who are given a whopping $1,000,000,000 by wealthy businessman Tommy Schlaaang (played with extraordinarily maniacal gusto by Robert Loggia), head of the Schlaaang Corporation to make what should surely be the greatest film of all time. Instead, they blow all the money on things such as personal makeovers and hiring a personal shopper/spiritual guru named Jim Joe Kelly (deftly portrayed by Zach Galifianakis), whom they pay $500,000 a week. Once Schlaaang sees the extremely short completed film starring a false Johnny Depp, he declares “I WANT…MY MONEY…BACK!” and that “YOU MOTHERFUCKERS….ARE GOING TO JAIL….FOR WHAAAAT YOU DID!!!!” I can safely say that Loggia gives my absolute favorite performance in the entire film, embuing Schlaaang with a unparalleled sense of unrestrained evil. In terms of classically over-the-top performances, you really can’t get much better.

   Anyway, since they blew all the money and have absolutely no way to pay it back, Tim and Eric go on the run to avoid having their fucking hearts eaten by Schlaaang and his equally evil cohorts. After a coke-fueled night of partying, arm amputation and penis piercing (yes, really), Tim and Eric see a commercial advertising to “one, possibly two men” who are looking to make a billion dollars running a shopping mall. A pretty woman named Katie (Twink Caplan in a surprisingly emphatic performance) appears in the commercial and Eric instantly falls in love with her, a love which he expresses by constantly masturbating to a cell phone image he took from the commercial. With their goal in view, Tim and Eric shed their pristine Hollywood images and become reputable businessmen by establishing their own company called Dobis P.R. and head off to the “historic S’wallow Valley” to run the mall. But, when they get there, they find the mall extremely dilapidated and that the owner Damien Weebs (played to perfection by co-producer Will Ferrell) is a little less trustworthy than he seems. Tim and Eric then set about restoring the mall to its former glory and trying to gain a billion dollars to pay back Schlaaang and save their lives.

Believe me, if you had this guy on your case, you'd desperately resort to mall restoration too.

   The plot is extremely silly, but then again, the entire movie exists as a testament to silliness and general absurdity. The remarkable thing about Tim and Eric is how great they are at squeezing a laugh out of ANYthing – facial expressions, the way lines are read, the way scenes are edited. The thing that makes the movie truly effective is the manner in which T&E establish the world they and the other characters inhabit. Anything goes, and any moment that seems normal can instantly take a turn for the intensely deranged. Just wait until you get a load of John C. Reilly as Taquito, quite possibly one of the most pathetic and uncomfortably hilarious characters to ever be conceived by human consciousness. A visibly malnourished yet wholly loveable man-boy, Taquito has spent his entire life in the mall and lives solely off the frozen microwave taquitos he has lying around his hovel. Irreparably sick from eating nothing but expired taquito meat, he constantly coughs and hacks violently, even coughing up blood at one point (“it’s just natural”, he pitifully quips). I really don’t know how John C. Reilly does it, but he manages to create a sympathetic character out of the otherworldly creepiness and discomforting mess that is Taquito. I have never seen a character so horribly depressing yet played with so much warmth and innocent appeal; I can honestly say this character is among John C. Reilly’s greatest performances as an actor, and a true testament to his abilities. I really do not think any other actor in the world could have portrayed this character…and I doubt that any would have wanted to.

   And while we’re on the subject of great performances, let me just say this: Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie has one of the best comedic casts I have ever seen in any film, and everybody brings their absolute A-game to the table. If anything, this shows Tim and Eric’s strength as directors: two guys who are seemingly unmatched at being able to coax an effectively depraved performance out of their talent….or, in some cases, lack thereof. I have absolutely no idea how Tim and Eric talked some of these people into doing some of the things they do in this movie, and I honestly believe that the majority of the cast in this film give some of their greatest performances ever. Will Ferrel KILLS as the shady Damien Weebs, a creeper who desperately wants to rid himself of the horrid mall he’s stuck with. The scene with Tim and Eric in Weevs’ office is one of my favorite in the whole movie, and Ferrell’s performance in it is gut-bustingly hilarious. I already mentioned Robert Loggia and John C. Reilly, who both commit to their roles dutifully, but there’s also Will Forte, who plays Alan Bishopman, the proprieter of a sword store in the mall called EZ-SWORDS. Bishopman is paid a monthly fee to NOT sell swords, making his existence in a dilapitated mall quite beneficial indeed, and he sees Tim and Eric’s new efforts to restore the mall as harmful to his way of life. Forte plays the character with inspired lunacy, and he makes a perfect secondary antagonist for T&E throughout their trials.

The cast sees an MPAA film rating committee and react accordingly.

   I also want to focus some attention on Twink Caplan, who succeeds at portraying the only relatively normal human being in the entire film. I’d never seen Ms. Caplan in anything before this movie, but after seeing her in it I can definitely say I’d love to see some more of her work. She knocks this performance out of the park, playing the only straight-man (straight-woman, rather) character in the movie. I can’t emphasize enough how much I love this character, and how perfect she is for the movie – she provides a fleeting sense of normality to the zany proceedings happening all around her, and also unwittingly becomes a monkey wrench in Tim and Eric’s alliance by distracting Eric from “makin’ the mooney”, as Tim puts it. Things come to a head halfway through the movie when Eric goes on a date with Katie to a restaurant called “Inbreadables”, where everything from the food to the cutlery is made out of bread. Before this scene, Tim made Eric swallow a pill referred to as a “spanish fly”, and during the dinner it begins to kick in. Eric begins to hallucinate and trip out in a VERY intense manner, and Katie hurriedly takes him to the SHRIM Healing Center located in the mall, while Tim swoops in for a little….alone time with Katie. I won’t give away what happens from here, but I will say that what follows is quite possibly the two greatest scenes ever to be intercut with one another. Never has there ever, EVER been ANYTHING like it in the history of cinema. Whether that is a good or a bad thing….I’ll let you decide.

   I can honestly say that Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie is one of the most cinematically pleasing films to be released in recent memory. I will admit, the plot mainly serves as an excuse to have all kinds of crazy shit happen, but the story being told is actually very solid, and there are things at stake for the characters. You actually want Tim and Eric to succeed at their goal, and watching them try to attain it is interesting and entertaining in itself. Events flow into each other naturally, and there’s a definite sense of story structure that’s almost uncalled for in a movie such as this. What I’m saying is, B$M actually works as a movie, instead of just being just a collection of skits strung together. I loved all the little nuances, and how T&E incorporated key elements of the show into the movie subtly yet effectively – the fake commercials, cameos from regular cast members, and the cheap, campy animation. There’s just so much content in the film – the movie’s only an hour and a half long but it feels so much more substantial than that. There are so many little jokes and subtle details that pop out at you through repeated viewings.  In fact, this movie requires repeat viewings, if only to pick up on all the great moments you missed from laughing so hard! I really can’t knock a movie that is so consistently funny throughout and still offers something new every time you watch it – I must admit, I’ve already seen it 4 times and I keep picking up on new things! Replay value of that sort doesn’t really happen a lot these days, and it’s a truly refreshing thing to see.

I would say that this image makes more sense if you see the movie, but that would infer "sense" actually applying to this scenario.

   In translating their show to a full-length feature film, Tim and Eric have somehow managed to capture the same feel and spirit of the show and also create something exciting and truly original. They’ve somehow made a movie which humorously points out the commonplace and overused elements of movies and visual storytelling in general while also providing an experience which lives up to those very cinematic elements in a very satisfying way. I can definitely say that there is NO comedy on the planet quite like Tim and Eric’s. They do what they do, and – hate it or love it – there’s no denying that it is exceedingly original. My friends, I absolutely love Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie. I find it to be one of the funniest films ever made, extremely entertaining, and appropriately rebellious in its execution. B$M eschews any conceivable notion of political correctness and generally accepted societal expectations and puts the “What the fuck?!” factor on overdrive, and for that, I cannot praise it enough. Rarely nowadays does filmmaking get this rebellious and brave, and even in a movie with a dude getting his dick pierced in full view of the camera it must be appreciated when it happens. Tim and Eric have created something truly magnificent, and I can’t wait to see the movie again on the big screen when it’s released in a few days!

   So final thoughts? I highly, HIGHLY recommend Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie to anyone with an open mind for comedy and a strong stomach. I’m simply loving the fact that big-time film critics are going to watch this movie and write reviews about it; it is simply a movie which defies criticism. And trust me, this movie is going to get VERY bad reviews. But this movie wasn’t made to appease the stupid critics! It exists to be what it is and is completely unapologetic about it. I’m gonna say for the record that I’ve reviewed this movie based solely for WHAT IT IS, which is a hilarious and deliberately absurd piece of art that exists to be funny, and succeeds tremendously at it. In the grand lexicon of cinema history, will it leave a dent? Hell, probably not, but it’s still a damn fine piece of abstract filmmaking, and I consider it to be a substantial accomplishment in that regard. It’s not a conventional film in the slightest, and just for that alone I consider it to be one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time. There are things that happen in this movie that you will not be able to unsee, things that will surely stick in your memory for quite a while. I can say it’s certainly more memorable than anything in Transformers 3 was, or almost any other mainstream movie coming out recently. I really hope that Tim and Eric find a wider audience because of this movie, because they deserve it. I’m just doing my part to spread the word.

And now, I leave you with one final thought:

SHHHHRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!